That Way Madness Lies

The late, great George Carlin had a bit that constantly evolved and became a staple of his books and stand-up routines.  The bit focused on the idea of euphemistic language, which is used to hide truth from plain sight.  Controlling language is a way to control the message.  So much of what plagues modern American society is a direct result of the fact that we are incapable of having a dialogue about anything.  Why can we not have a conversation?  Because political discussions in this country have been scripted and we have been given lines.  The scripts have been written by those with an economic stake in the outcome of the “dialogue.” 

We have been left adrift in a sea of words that mean one thing to us and another to those who stand opposed to us (or which mean nothing at all), just as a 4th grader would be lost trying to portray Hamlet without any research into Elizabethan English.  Our hands have been tied because our tongues have been tied. 

This is the reason that so many regular folks regularly vote and speak against their own interests.  Many things that are dangerous sound like great ideas because a lot of work went into making bad ideas sound like good ideas.  There is a whole industry of consultants who are paid handsomely for their ability to turn “dog shit” into “highly compacted canine-created organic composting material.”  If you don’t believe me, take a few minutes to learn more about Frank Luntz, who is quite possibly one of the most powerful men in the country about whom few people are aware (though his profile is getting more attention, thanks in part to this). 

The school reformy crowd often tells us regular folks that they are willing to have a dialogue with us.  I think we should take them up on their offer with one caveat.  I have done fairly extensive reading into their ideas as well as about their actions, and something struck me last week while I was rereading the Broad Foundation’s School Closure Guide (yes, It really exists): it is like an English-speaker reading Voltaire in the original French.  It is pointless without a translation dictionary.

In the interest of leveling the field and making dialogue possible, I present to you Volume One of the Reformy-to-English Dictionary.

Assessment (noun): A test made by a corporation and protected from peer review and public scrutiny by intellectual property laws and strict confidentiality agreements.

College and Career Ready (adjective): This refers to the school of thought that children born into privilege can be skimmed into top-tier schools and allowed to explore a broad spectrum of interests, while 99% of children should be prepared to work for those other children someday.  College Ready refers to raising assessment scores enough to get students into college, provide photo opportunities for reformers and simple graphs and charts which suggest student growth for the media.  Career Ready means willing to accept a life of minimum wage labor in the service industry, without the false hope that a better future is possible, all while fighting for policies that enrich one’s bosses at the expense of one’s self interest.

Data Driven Assessment (noun): A test made by a corporation and protected from peer review by intellectual property laws and strict confidentiality agreements whose purpose is to provide numbers too complicated and nuanced for the general public to understand, but vague enough that they can be molded into a variety of purposes as the need for “data” to support reforms arises.

Displaced Teacher (noun): A teacher who has been fired by rich guys (Reformers-for-Hire) trying to increase the market share of a company in which they or their friends still own stock, or which will hire said Reformer to a six-figure position in 18 months.

Failing School (noun): A school for poor children of color whose intended funding instead subsidizes corporations.

For the Children (phrase): This actually doesn’t mean anything.  The Reformy equivalent to chanting “USA! USA!”

Grit (noun): A quality that helps upper-middle class children survive their difficult private school upbringing and to secure a legacy spot at an Ivy League school.  Also, the quality that encourages children of privilege to drop out of school and borrow money from their parents’ friends to start a Fortune 500 company in the garage.  Grit is the quality that allows a person to pull himself up by his bootstraps from the 1% to the 0.01%.

Market-Based Reform (noun): A school of thought that relies on the financial and social studies illiteracy of the general population in order to convince the public that codifying the market power of campaign donors and tying the invisible hand’s ability to expose shitty and overpriced products and services for what they are (and thus allowing the free market to eliminate those companies and products from the economy through a lack of demand) will somehow avoid the inevitable market failure in the form of corruption, decreased productivity and out of control wealth gaps and a resulting economic collapse.  Market-Based Reform is a euphemism for “Corporate Subsidy Disbursement,” “Economic Power Grab” and “Fear-Based Economic Policy.”

No Excuses (phrase): A slogan which means that a person (especially a child) is lacking in grit if they cannot single-handedly solve all of the problems of society.  NOTE: This slogan can only be used when speaking to a person of a lower socio-economic status than oneself.  If a person from a higher socio-economic status voices frustration at the aspects of society that stymie their efforts, the appropriate response is a government subsidy, tax credit, protectionist tariff or bailout.

Reformer (noun): A person who really wants to win an election or get paid by somebody who won an election.

Rigor (noun).  Difficulty for its own sake, regardless of any applicable research, science or desired outcome.  Rigor can be measured by a value-added assessment of the quantity of tears a child produces while he does his homework.

School Choice (noun): This is when politicians choose to close a public school and instead choose to pay their campaign donors to operate a charter school.  School choice also refers to subsidizing upper-income families and religious institutions with tax dollars, often redirected from “failing schools.”  School choice also refers to the choice made by charter and private schools to discriminate against students with disabilities, students in extreme poverty and high-risk students by choosing policies guaranteed to skim only the students that they choose.  School choice is also used as a tool to stem the tide of white flight, without having to convince white folks to spend time with those unlike themselves.

Status Quo (noun): (NOTE: Please do not be confused by the Latin definition of these words; in Reformy Quasi-Latin they have a different meaning.) The Status Quo is the situation in the present moment as observed by a Reformer who has arrived in medias res like a deus ex machina with a curriculum vitae full of plutocratic bona fides.  Ergo, to Reformers, all that matters in determining the Status Quo is a tabula rasa snapshot of a given moment in time without regard to yesterday or tomorrow, context or content.  According to Reformers, the cure in toto for the Status Quo (which is always, to them, the worst-case scenario) is a de facto ad hoc doubling down on the same policies and in vivo experiments that are already in place.  Remember, those policies were put in place to fight the OLD Status Quo.  The new Status Quo is more Status Quoier, so we need MORE of the same policies to create a NEW Status Quo to fight, ad infinitum…ad nauseam.  Got it?

Teacher Quality/Quality Teacher (noun): Refers to teachers who value conformity and shun critical thought.  A Quality Teacher is one who is willing to falsify data or sacrifice professional integrity for personal gain or the “good” of the school or district.  A Quality Teacher shuns critical pedagogy in favor of exploitative business practices.  A Quality Teacher submits to all authority, even in cases where conflicting rules are decreed.  Teacher Quality is measurable and quantifiable through a value-added assessment purchased by one authority figure from another.

Value-Added Score (noun): The application of a scientific, statistical model designed for predicting outcomes to assessment scores.  A model allows constants to become variables and vice versa.  When applied in real time, in real life, with attached consequences for the resulting data, this becomes a synonym for “self-fulfilling prophesy.”

I hope that clears up a few things for everyone.  Unfortunately, Volume Two will likely be appearing on the horizon shortly.